People Who Live In the Country Will Not Be Excited By This Story

People who live in the country will not be excited by this story, but I live in middle of a city. The country may be replete with exotic wildlife, but the city has different yet equally special features, such as bus stops and fast food restaurants.

This morning I was sitting on the floor of my office, playing with my cat Pickles. It’s the second story of a 1920’s bungalow, a room with seven large windows offering an expansive view of the sky and all that is around me. I was doing this game where Pickles lies on her back, and I reach around to one side and tickle her. She rolls completely over to that side to grab my hand. I quickly snatch the hand away and tickle her other side. Then she rolls completely over to the other side to grab my hand, and I snatch it away and tickle her other side. She’ll continue to roll back and forth in this fashion easily for 15 minutes, and I think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

All of a sudden, an insanely gigantic hawk landed on my next door neighbor’s roof, right in front of my window, facing me. My neighbor’s house is about five feet away; the houses are very close together. I became totally still so I could watch it. It sat there for quite awhile, mostly looking around. All kinds of birds were flying in every which direction in the sky. I think another big storm is coming. The clouds were ominous. Birds like mornings and storms.

Pickles started making the noise in the back of her throat that she only makes when she sees pigeons. She doesn’t do it for any other kind of bird, just pigeons. It’s a cackling sound, “ka ka ka,” in a low tone. I’m pretty sure she is saying, “Fat. Stupid pigeons. Need to die!”

Slowly she inched toward the window, and jumped up on her window perch spot. The hawk looked STRAIGHT IN AT US. It turned its head ninety degrees sideways and peered in at us. Looking at my cat and my hawk that close together, I could see that the hawk was bigger than Pickles. In a fight between the hawk and Pickles, the hawk would totally rip my cat’s head off and eat it for breakfast.

I said, “No Pickles, that’s not a pigeon. It is neither fat nor stupid. It’s smarter than us, and we should not anger it. We should appease it with offerings of bunnies and chocolate.” Pickles understood and fell silent.

Then the hawk started grooming. It spread out its majestic right wing and reached around to give itself a shoulder massage. With muscles that big, it probably requires frequent massage therapy and spa treatments, no doubt. It might even have a personal Pilates trainer. Then it spread out its majestic left wing and massaged that side too.

Eventually it flew away. The ending is kind of anti-climactic. If I had powers, it would have spoken of wise wiseness to me, and I would be able to impart the cosmic wisdom. Maybe it’ll come back and look at me again. I think it liked me! I’ll have the chocolate offering ready for next time.