Sunday, August 16, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
State of the Union
My "State of the Union" essay for age 35.
At age 35, I've found that suddenly this year I ‘m allergic to GRASS, you know that stuff that grows kind of like EVERYWHERE. Basically it’s like being allergic to life. Claritin-D is the only thing that helps. There’s another pill to pop in the morning.
I am finally, at the age of 35, beginning to feel less self-conscious, which is to say that I care slightly less what people are thinking of me at any given moment in time. There’s a realization that I can’t control what people think of me, but also a small sense of comfort with myself, being who I am. I don’t know if the self-consciousness ever goes away, but it does fade somewhat, which is awesome. Come to find out, being in a continual state of always questioning whether everything that I’m thinking, believing, and doing is okay is actually exhausting. Part of it is that I just don’t have the energy to constantly care anymore. If you don’t agree with my opinion, feeling, or action, that’s okay. IT’S OKAY. YAY! For realz.
I’m better able to realize my limitations. For example, I am by nature very high-strung. Basically what it comes down to is that I can’t drink that much coffee, especially at work. Caffeine makes me more high-strung. Though I have a low stress job, and it’s hard to more low-key than a library, work is a major stressor for me. I feel stupid admitting it, but sometimes it gives me hives, makes me ill, or gives back pain, etc. I must employ numerous tactics in order to deal with the day: listen to smooth jazz on headphones, sip soothing chamomile tea, paint little watercolors of flowers, take mini walks in the galleries or sculpture park, and think pleasant thoughts. Otherwise, the tension builds. That is my limitation, because I can’t ignore it. It doesn’t go away on its own, which leads me to my next point.
My life becomes more high maintenance the older I get. I’m starting to understand why it takes so long for old people to do anything. You can’t just DO something in a pure and simple way, because you have to do ten other things in order to do the one thing. For example, I can’t just go to work and sit and work all day. I have to listen to the smooth jazz, drink the calming tea, and take the motivational walks. I can’t just eat my breakfast in the morning, because I have to also open ten supplement bottles in order to take my multi-vitamin, vitamin c, fiber tablets, and calcium chews with my meal. I can’t just go to the gym, because I have to also do a series of yoga and pt stretches for my arthritic back, or else I’m in pain the next day. I can’t just stay out late at a club to see a band play, because I have to take a nap first and prepare for the next day so that I can be properly rested up and receive eight hours of quality sleep. Anything less than eight hours and I’m wiped. I know, right? So. Much. Work.
At age 35, I've found that suddenly this year I ‘m allergic to GRASS, you know that stuff that grows kind of like EVERYWHERE. Basically it’s like being allergic to life. Claritin-D is the only thing that helps. There’s another pill to pop in the morning.
I am finally, at the age of 35, beginning to feel less self-conscious, which is to say that I care slightly less what people are thinking of me at any given moment in time. There’s a realization that I can’t control what people think of me, but also a small sense of comfort with myself, being who I am. I don’t know if the self-consciousness ever goes away, but it does fade somewhat, which is awesome. Come to find out, being in a continual state of always questioning whether everything that I’m thinking, believing, and doing is okay is actually exhausting. Part of it is that I just don’t have the energy to constantly care anymore. If you don’t agree with my opinion, feeling, or action, that’s okay. IT’S OKAY. YAY! For realz.
I’m better able to realize my limitations. For example, I am by nature very high-strung. Basically what it comes down to is that I can’t drink that much coffee, especially at work. Caffeine makes me more high-strung. Though I have a low stress job, and it’s hard to more low-key than a library, work is a major stressor for me. I feel stupid admitting it, but sometimes it gives me hives, makes me ill, or gives back pain, etc. I must employ numerous tactics in order to deal with the day: listen to smooth jazz on headphones, sip soothing chamomile tea, paint little watercolors of flowers, take mini walks in the galleries or sculpture park, and think pleasant thoughts. Otherwise, the tension builds. That is my limitation, because I can’t ignore it. It doesn’t go away on its own, which leads me to my next point.
My life becomes more high maintenance the older I get. I’m starting to understand why it takes so long for old people to do anything. You can’t just DO something in a pure and simple way, because you have to do ten other things in order to do the one thing. For example, I can’t just go to work and sit and work all day. I have to listen to the smooth jazz, drink the calming tea, and take the motivational walks. I can’t just eat my breakfast in the morning, because I have to also open ten supplement bottles in order to take my multi-vitamin, vitamin c, fiber tablets, and calcium chews with my meal. I can’t just go to the gym, because I have to also do a series of yoga and pt stretches for my arthritic back, or else I’m in pain the next day. I can’t just stay out late at a club to see a band play, because I have to take a nap first and prepare for the next day so that I can be properly rested up and receive eight hours of quality sleep. Anything less than eight hours and I’m wiped. I know, right? So. Much. Work.
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